2 a.m. deep cuts on Spotify

This #thankyouthursday, I am grateful for 2 a.m. deep cuts on Spotify.

I love sleep. So much. And I really need a lot of it. But several times in the last couple weeks, I’ve woken up around midnight and then…stayed awake.

I’ve attempted all my usual tricks: focusing on my breath; focusing on my son’s breath, several different Balance meditations, giving up and reading for a while, reciting a mantra. Tossing. Turning. Trying to stay still. Trying not to be anxious that my precious opportunity for rest is slipping away minute by minute.

It’s been taking me an average of two hours to get back to sleep. Not great.

And then, last night around 2 a.m., inspiration struck. I’d just put on yet another Balance meditation, but it wasn’t scratching my itch. What did I want instead? And then, from the distant recesses of my memory, I thought of a very specific guided meditation that used to soothe me.

The problem was that I hadn’t listened to this meditation in at LEAST five years. Probably more like ten. I couldn’t even remember where it came from. I must have had it as an MP3, on an…iPod?

And then, more inspiration. Even though I hadn’t consistently heard this meditation since approximately 2009, it clearly made an impact, because all of a sudden I remembered a name: Kelly Howell.

A few taps later, and my phone’s Spotify app was showing me the extensive discography of one Kelly Howell, creator of many, many meditations. I scrolled and scrolled, not quite sure what I was looking for, but hoping I would recognize it when I saw it.

And I did!

A couple more taps, and I heard the instantly familiar introduction to “Guided Prayer Meditation,” wherein a deep-voiced narrator strongly suggests the use of headphones before announcing, “And now, Kelly Howell.”

(That intro MUST be how I remembered her name all these years later.)

At the sound of Kelly’s voice, my body instantly relaxed. It was like no time had passed—I remembered what was going to happen on the journey she guided me through, and I was filled with comfort, relief, and gratitude.

I mean, wow, behold the miracle of technology! I was able to summon an obscure track from 1998 in less than a minute. Like, just…wow. Thank you Spotify. Thank you Kelly Howell for putting the entirety of your catalog on Spotify. And thank you, brain and intuition, for helping me get what I needed to finally sleep.

Love > fear,
Christina