Deep breaths and pen strokes

This #thankyouthursday, I am grateful for deep breaths and pen strokes.

As much as I wish I could control my moods and feelings, I’ve learned that I can really only control my actions.

So when I noticed how grouchy I felt this morning, I was able to practice silence instead of complaining, even though I really didn’t want to get the baby ready and clamber into the car and drive to the community center with my partner so that we could get in some early fitness time.

And then when we dropped off B at the babysitting center, there was a new staff person, and the little guy was having a very hard time with me leaving (although who I am I kidding, he would have probably had a hard time even if it was the usual staff person, bc attachment is REAL), so it didn’t exactly improve my mood to walk away from a distressed toddler with the full knowledge that I could easily soothe him but was choosing not to.

But. Fitness is important, and not just the physical kind. So instead of queuing up an exercise video, I came to the cafe, got a cup of coffee, and sat down to write morning pages.

There was a time when morning pages—three pages of handwritten journaling—were an indispensable part of my daily routine. That time lasted for years. But these days, devoting twenty minutes to writing by hand is just not very high on the list; I have such limited opportunities for self-care.

Also, years of daily journaling (a form of meditation!) have made it so that even when I can’t/don’t make time for daily journaling, I still have a strong foundation for processing my emotions and identifying the next right action.

But today I put deep breaths and pen strokes at the top of the list, and I am grateful I did.

Love > fear,
Christina

p.s. You know when I was doing a LOT of journaling and meditating? Four years ago in 2017, when I worked through so much that I met my husband a month later. If you want to know more about that, check out my upcoming book, 49 Days to Real Love.