Clear is kind

This #thankyouthursday, I am grateful that “clear is kind.”

I don’t remember when or where I learned that phrase—it’s even possible I invented it myself, though that seems unlikely.*

*When I googled “clear is kind,” the first hit was related to Brene Brown’s book Dare to Lead, which I have not read, so I don’t really think I got it from there, either, but whatever—I definitely respect Brene’s work, so, that’s as good a source as any.

In any case, “clear is kind” has been my communication motto for a long time, and it really serves me well. The idea is that I don’t do anyone any favors by diluting what I most need to say with flowery language or apologetic predecessors or euphemisms or vagueness.

So I share that advice whenever I can—with my editorial coaching clients making corporate presentations; with my friends facing uncomfortable conversations. And this week, I experienced the benefits firsthand.

(1) A friend told me my breath smelled bad. At first their comment, while clear, felt unkind—who wants to be insulted like that? Except, it wasn’t an insult at all. Their tone was gentle, and they had information I didn’t; information they knew I needed, and so they told me. And once I took a moment to breathe, I understood their comment was not only clear, and therefore kind. It was a form of respect.

(2) I told my neighbors their dogs were bothering me. I live in a dog-loving neighborhood, and I understand there is going to be some barking. But there is a LOT of barking, at odd hours, for long stretches of time, and for months I have wanted to complain. Except, I didn’t want to be a complainer. I’m new to the area, and I love the community. I want them to like me. But the barking has been getting to me.

Then yesterday I hit a breaking point, and I realized—I don’t have to complain to communicate. Clear is kind. Even if people don’t like what I have to say, as long as I am straightforward and sincere, it’ll be okay.

And it was okay! I was afraid my neighbors would pile on in the comments section of my post (we use the NextDoor app), defending their dogs or telling me to live somewhere else. Instead I received fair feedback and actionable info, even some empathy.

All of which is to say, I am very grateful to understand the power of clear communication and the kindness of the truth. And I hope you benefit from those things too.

Love > fear,
Christina