Believing in the hype without getting too caught up in the hype

This #thankyouthursday, I am grateful for believing in the hype without getting too caught up in the hype.

Specifically, I have spent most of the last seven weeks studying for a test that I suspect is overhyped. But even if I’m not convinced this test deserves its current status, enough other people and institutions value it so highly that I can’t afford not to care.

So it’s been an interesting process, investing heavily enough to prepare myself as best as possible, while also resisting going down a rabbit hole of obsession.

I know that rabbit hole exists, because I found a related Reddit thread, and I am pretty sure a lot of people on there are spending months or even years of their life preparing for this test. And a part of me that has been enjoying the challenge and drifting toward perfectionism can understand why.

But, like, it’s a TEST! A frickin’ timed, standardized test. Do I want to get an excellent score? Absolutely I do. I was a straight-A student till college and even then managed to graduate with honors and a 3.7. I used to believe that numbers (grades) were extremely important.

And it’s true that getting an excellent score will potentially “open doors.” That’s why I am taking it so seriously. But devoting the vast majority of my time and focus to this singular purpose has reminded me that time and focus are undeniably limited resources. And numbers rarely tell the whole story.

All of which to say, tomorrow is “the big day,” and I am so grateful. It’s been a real privilege to spend this much heads down time at a study desk. And I’m proud of how I’ve balanced my desire for success with awareness of a greater context.

Love > fear,
Christina